Breeze (The Mighty Queertet: Story 3)
Chapter 16: Spring Mist by Victory Thru Tears
Dammit Charlie, no. He just broke up with you, you idiot. But…
That’s the only question in my mind. Why? Was I that bad of a boyfriend to him? I know I haven’t been the greatest during the Taz incident but I apologized, what more can I do? I love him, god I do so much.
I stop crying for a second and realize that I still have the pillow over my face. I wonder if it’s possible for me to smother myself.
God, I just want to walk out into the living room and lie on the couch next to him and have him hold me and tell me that it was all a mistake, and that he loves me more than the world.
Of course, he said that he still does love me. I think I believe him. My Adam wouldn’t—
I scold myself silently without finishing my thought.
He’s not your Adam anymore, and he’s not going to be ever again. You lost him, Conway. You lost him through your own stupidity.
He’s Banks now. Banks, you got that, Charlie? Never Adam.
The sadness is slowly being replaced by anger.
Banks lied to me. Banks told you that he’d never hurt you. He lied.
The summer air is getting cooler as the sun sets. We’re sitting on a hill close to the pond behind the Banks’ house. Adam’s parents are gone for the night to help Danny get situated at college, and have let me sleep over to keep him company.
Adam’s hand brushes mine and I take hold of it. He grins at me under his new hairstyle, which Julie had instructed him to get.
Julie… poor girl. She has a crush on him, but Banksie is cheerfully oblivious. I feel kind of bad, since I’m the boyfriend. But at the same time I feel very very happy that he’s mine and no one else’s.
I’m not having a good time at home. Justin’s back from Europe, and he and Mom are acting very mushy and stuff. I hate him. Not that he’s ever actually given me a reason to hate him, I just do. Adam says that everyone feels this way about their step-parents. What the hell does he know? He’s a stupid cake-eater.
My stupid cake-eater thoughts are interrupted by the stupid cake-eater himself. He looks up at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes of his.
“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly.
I start to shake my head, but he stops me by holding my chin. “No lying.”
I sigh. “It’s hard to find people you can trust, you know?”
“What are you saying?” He looks troubled. I realize what he must think from my last statement.
“Oh, no, not you! Of course I trust you. I lo—”
I stop, realizing what I’d almost said. We haven’t said that before. I’ve felt it for awhile, but had never said it.
“You what?” Adam asks softly. He looks very innocent right there in the dying sunlight, I want to just reach out and touch him. So I do.
I kiss him softly on the lips. As I pull away I let my fingers lightly touch his cheek.
“I love you,” I tell him.
He looks scared, but he whispers back. “I love you too.”
I pull his arms around me, making him wrap me into a hug. He sighs happily against my hair.
“Adam?” I mumble.
“Please do me a favor.”
“What kind of favor?”
“Don’t ever… you know… break up with me or something. I mean, I know it depends on the circumstances, but, I just… you’re my…”
“Charlie, why would I do something stupid like break up with you? I love you, remember? I’d never dream of hurting you. And I never will. I promise.”
He fucking lied to me. God, after all we have been through, all we have shared…
I’ve even had… you know… with him… well, as well as two people in our position can have… you know.
I wonder if he even thinks about that night—Christmas night, in fact—anymore. Probably not. I have a feeling it only had real significance to me. Like every other moment we’ve ever shared.
How am I supposed to react? Am I supposed to be angry, or sad, or relieved? I’m all three! Angry because he lied to me and is making me feel like hell… but sad because I love him so much, and I want to be with him. But I’m also relieved. I don’t know why, but I can feel it in my nonetheless.
So here I am. Lonely, cold, and friendless in my pit of sorrow. This time, though, I don’t have Adam… Banks… to pull me out.
I roll over and face the wall. I smell the sheets, breathing in his scent. I close my eyes, but I know I won’t be able to sleep for a long time.