How Do I Live?
Summary: Charlie and Linda have the perfect relationship but when something unexpected happens can they handle all the hurdles that life throws at them or will it tear them apart? Please R&R!
Characters: Charlie Conway, Dean Portman, General Background Ducks, Julie Gaffney, Linda Chavez, Luis Mendoza, Mindy/Traci (Cheerleader)
Genres: Drama, Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): Julie/Portman, Luis/Mindy, Charlie/Linda
Archived: 28 Oct 2006
Chapter 1: Kitty Carrotcake and Evil Plans
“Hey Linda, wait up!” Julie Gaffney called after her friend and she made her way down the crowded hallways of Eden Hall.
Linda laughed as she watched Julie run down two cheerleaders and three football players. Julie was very dangerous when someone got in her way when she was on a mission. “Hey Jules, what’s the rush?” she asked, flipping her long brown hair out of her face.
“I was actually wondering if you’d help me with something…” she begged, putting on her best pout.
“Okay, what sort of trouble has my little ducky gotten into now?” Linda laughed, patting Julie on the head, nearly losing her hand in the process.
“A: Don’t ever call me your ‘little ducky’ again… B: don’t pat my head… C: quit patronizing me… D: I’m not in trouble… yet! Rick Riley put superglue on Charlie’s chair and he said he needs your crafty mind to help think of some sweet revenge.” Julie said with an evil grin
“Well why didn’t he come and ask me this himself?” Linda wondered.
“He needed to go back to the dorm to change is pants… he has a big hole in the seat of them now… he’s pissed!” Julie laughed re-running the whole scene in her mind.
“Oh great…” Linda rolled her eyes as she saw her boyfriend Charlie Conway walking down the hall grumbling and cursing about his pants.
He walked up to Linda and Julie, putting his arms around Linda, “Hey babe… I neeeeed youuuuu!” he whined, resting his chin on the top of her head.
“I know, Jules told me what Riley did.” Linda laughed as Charlie’s face turned red with anger.
“Yeah, and I just bought those damn pants, too! God I’m gonna kill that asshole…” Charlie threatened, throwing his hands up in the air in wild gestures, making his friend and girlfriend laugh.
“Alright… alright Charlie, we have to be smart about this. We can’t get caught or we’ll get in trouble… again! My dad told me if I got one more detention this week he’d have my ass,” Linda paused, her eyes lighting up, “I’ve got it… we’ve got to go tell the others!” she proclaimed as she ran down the hall towards the cafeteria at top speed, Julie and Charlie close behind.
They walked thru the large oak double doors and took a seat at their usual table.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” Mindy, Luis’ girlfriend and Riley’s ex asked as she put her lunch tray down across from Linda and sat down next to Luis who, at that moment, was having a very interesting conversation with Dwayne about the school’s carrot cake.
“I’m telling you, man… they round up stray cats and put them in that cake!” Luis exclaimed, poking at his piece and ‘meowing’, “That’s why it tastes so weird.”
Mindy looked on, trying to hold back laughter when she saw the confused look on Dwayne’s face.
“Naw partner, you gotta be kiddin’ me. They can’t do that… can they? Y’all, I’m right aren’t I?” Dwayne laughed nervously, looking around the table, only to see his friends snickering at him, hearing the occasional ‘meow’.
“Don’t worry, Dwayne. They can’t do that, it’s illegal to put dead cats in carrot cake,” Linda explained, taking a big bite, only to spit it back out, “Yuck! God this stuff is nasty!” she said, putting her cake on Portman’s plate, knowing that he’d never notice.
“Okay Linda, tell us your plan to get back at Riley.” Charlie said, putting his arms around her.
“Wait a minute, what did Rick do?” Mindy asked, oblivious to what was happening.
“Oh, your asshole of an ex put superglue on my chair and caused me to rip a giant hole in the back of my new pants,” Charlie explained, “and yes I’m bitter and now I need my girlfriend’s crafty mind to help with some revenge.” he said with an evil grin.
“God, Rick’s an asshole!” Mindy squeaked, slamming her fist down on the table.
“Oh, so I guess she just found out what Riley did to Charlie, eh?” Fulton said, taking his seat between Guy and Portman.
“Yeah man, and she’s about to go all Linda Blaire on us.” Portman laughed, throwing his arm around Julie’s shoulder, “Hey, who put their nasty ass carrot cake on my plate?” he asked, looking around.
“Jee man, I don’t know.” Linda said, trying to look innocent while trying to avoid any eye contact with Portman.
“It was you… you little shit!” Portman laughed, pointing towards Linda, who had her face burried in Charlie’s chest.
“Awwww come on, Deaniebeanie, it’s not that bad, is it?” Linda asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Yes it is! And I hope you know that the only reasons I let you get away with calling me ‘Deaniebeanie’ are because, A: you’re my buddy’s girl, and B: you ARE a girl and I would never kick the crap out of a girl so consider yourself lucky.” Portman said, glaring at her.
“Okay, so Linda… what’s the plan?” Connie asked as everyone leaned in.
“Alright, Fulton and Dean, since you guys are in autoshop we’re gonna really need you on this one,” Linda said, looking towards Portman and Fulton who nodded attentively, “okay, I need you to get a big ol’ bucket of motor oil and some rope.” she instructed as everyone’s eyes lit up… they knew this was going to be good.
“K, motor oil and rope… check!” Fulton said, rubbing his hands together and laughing.
“Okay… Mindy, we’re going to need one of your cheerleading outfits… can you get us one?” Linda asked, looking over and Mindy.
“Sure, and I’ll make sure it’s one of my tight ones too!” Mindy giggled, burying her face in Luis’ neck.
“Haha, okay good. We need one of you guys to sneak into the Varsity locker room to make the switch, any volunteers?” she asked as Goldberg raised his hand shouting ‘ME! ME!’ “Okay Goldberg, you can do it, but you have to be sneaky about it. Don’t get caught!“
“You got it, bosslady!” Goldberg said, saluting Linda.
“K, now here’s what we need to do now… Mindy, after lunch before the next period, go back to your dorm and get your uniform, Dean and Fulton, after autoshop sneak out a bucket of the motor oil and rope, Goldberg, after school during Varsity practice, go in the locker room and make the switch. Dean and Fulton, meet us in Science Lab Room 101 so we can get things set up in there. Mindy, I’ll forge a note from Mrs. Bernbaum saying she needs to see Riley in the lab immediately and I need you to deliver it and make sure he actually comes. When he comes in he’ll get covered in motor oil and Charlie, you need to be standing there with a big bag of feathers from the Drama club props and don’t worry about that, I have a friend in the props department that owes me a favor. So we all clear on what’s going down?” she asked, and, much to everyone’s surprise(sarcasm), Dwayne raised his hand. “Yeah, Dwayne?”
“What are the rest of us going to do?” he asked.
“Simple. You’re going to distract the rest of Varsity, but don’t make it too obvious.” Linda explained. “Okay, now that we’re clear on that… let’s finish lunch… I’m starved!”
With that, everyone finished eating their lunches, giddy from all the excitement yet to come.